Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
