There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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