my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
