You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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