God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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