He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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