capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
