I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
