i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize
