Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
