Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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