So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
