sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
