I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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