life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
