You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
