i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
