Pappa wants mamma naked
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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