I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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