Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
