The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
