She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
