textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She told me I should be a condom model.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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