I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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