I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
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