very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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