Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
