Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
