: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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