if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
