walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize