i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
porn star boner night. come get it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
