just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
