Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
