He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
