I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I will be naked everywhere
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
