The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The power of my boobs compel you
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
