You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
