my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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