I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
