Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
