You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
