Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
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I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
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she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Omg I joined a choir last night...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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