Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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