I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
