she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
