Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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