So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
