oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
