Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
