You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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