so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
