i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
