I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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