he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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