Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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