come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
