All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
