weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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