What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
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After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
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Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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