Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
