Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
