No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
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Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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