He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
nutella sex= disaster
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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