I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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