Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
