just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
