Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
NoShamevember. You game?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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