My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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