i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
