Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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