Cold hands, warm shart.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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