Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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